my {NEGATIVE} thoughts

today it was brought to my attention that this blog is simply sugar coated. let me assure you that in my life there is far more than enough tears, sadness, heartache and all things {negative}. and thus the reason for this blog....a way to focus on the good in life, a way to escape all things sad and depressing, and more importantly a way to find joy in my journey! although today, in an effort to please my fellow blog reader who made the comment...you can chalk this up as the first post full of negativity!

the first thing on my mind that fills my heart with {negative} thoughts: the diaper decorating contest today. ok, so you probably need a preface... stork landing holds a diaper decorating contest every october for the over achiever mothers of our happy valley. i was a judge of the contest two years ago and knew that the day my own child could enter would be a total wipeout! the rules: one must decorate the diaper of their wee one in an effort to win one of twelve prizes!! TWELVE!! this year there were 31 contestants. no biggy, we had it in the bag! i had decided to create a parachute. i covered the diaper to look like a harness and attatched a homeade parachute to the little man. cute right? definate winner right? well, remember when i said this was a contest for over achievers? so i had to do more right? what better time in our country than to make my little man a soldier! i had his camo pj's complete with army boots and an american flage patch. the parachute itself was an american flag! this was a definate winner for the "most patriotic" for sure! the store was filled with parents, grandparents and spectators alike. many of which made a special attempt to take pictures of my little man and to insure me that this little one was for sure a WINNER! i agreed gracefully. the contest began, the contestants were shown, bowen walked happily and proudly down the runway, and the judges took their notes! when all was said and done bowen had lost. not only was he not voted for any of the twelve categories....guess who won most patriotic? (here comes miss {negative} brace yourself) a small, yet darling (ok, that wasn't negative but it's true) girl who's diaper was colored red white and blue with OBAMA written in large black letters. since when was the name OBAMA more patriotic than an american soldier? and what in the H makes coloring more creative than a parachute? well, there are MANY reasons i will cast my vote this year for McCain. but today i add another out of pure resentment: that permanant marker on a little girls diaper was somehow better than my little soldier. sorry obama you have NO hope for my vote.

next {negative} point... what is with the people in life that make it their strongest effort to tare down ones self-esteem. we've all met them, we've all scowled at them, we've all cried over them. my mother used to tell me that they are simply trying to boost their own. i don't buy it. when i'm looking for a new way to make me feel better i never dog on someone else. do people really do that? today a certain someone could tell it was just not my day and yet that person felt it their duty to only feed the fire! why?

let's keep going, letting all these {negative} thoughts out is somewhat theraputic. another {negative} thought: why is there never anything good on t.v. on friday and saturday nights. do they not realize that there are people in this world (i.e. me) who don't go out on the weekends? you heard me, there is nothing that makes weekends any different than a weeknight for me. james is still at work and i'm still at home with my darlin' baby who's in bed by eight. at which time i am left to wollow in pathetic movies that are either to scary for me to continue watching (when a stranger calls) or to gay (yes, i said GAY) for me to not gag. (a cinderella story with hillary duff). what am i suppose to do? and don't you dare say "something productive!"

i told james recently that i have a hard time feeling good about myself....his response: "well then, feel good about yourself" what the heck is that suppose to mean? it could mean he's trying to help and just wants me to feel good about myself no matter what, but my {negative} thoughts tell me, 'nope...he's being a smart alick'. and it only makes me angry. sometimes i wish my dear sweetheart was a little more 'fay' and a little less 'man' (fay is a real word...not a typo....i learned it today!) so he could understand my feelings, sit on the couch with me, eat 500 calories, then complain about it, and meanwhile say things like, "no, you're the best!"

in the short time it took me to make this {negative} post i have realized that maybe the fellow blog stalker was right. maybe it is okay to recognize that life isn't always blissful. but maybe for the sake of my sanity i should stick to writing of happy times! however, don't be suprised if in the future a {negative} thought slips in here or there!