needed this today

i recently was in a neighbors home as they gathered around for prayer prior to dinner. i watched as all the little children got on their knees, folded their little arms and patiently waited for their father to pray. meanwhile i was trying desperately to get bowen to hold still. just sit at least, fold his arms maybe. my efforts were indeed in vain, he watched the horses out the window instead while everyone prayed. (i decided it wasn't worth a battle) i've had that image in my head for a while now. questioning my mothering. where did i go wrong? since then i've spent hours readdressing prayer. why we do it, what we say, how we act. but for some reason (perhaps his age) once again, my actions seem in vain and i feel like quitting would be the easier route. and it's not just prayers anymore.

during my lunch break today i scanned blogs. looking through the world wide window into the lives of families, some i know, some i do not. and through my peeking i happened upon this.

perhaps, it was exactly what i needed. perhaps while the shivers of the spirit ran down my arms and through my body my testimony was reassured. and at the end while the father is praying and the kids are all climbing on the table while the mother desperately tries to get them to hold stll and fold their arms, i felt peace. peace that i'm not alone. peace that the journey of motherhood is difficult but somehow doable. peace that my efforts are seen. that my efforts will pay off. and i'm ready to take on all that motherhood is. today.