tonight was just like any other night. i gave bowen a bath, read him a couple books (skipping a few pages here and there to keep it under an hour), tucked him in, and kissed him good night. as i closed the door and we relayed our i-love-you-more sequence i found myself thinking of tomorrow. and that's when it hit me. wierd that it wasn't until now. but i suddenly realized that tomorrow will be unlike any day i've had in the last three years. you see, i am done with school. no more stress of due dates lingering over my head while i find myself doing other things. no more papers to write in the wee hours of the mornings so as not to be interrupted by my sweet little boy. no more studying (more like cramming) for long-winded exams. i'm done.
to some this may come as a huge accomplishment. to me, i've yet to see it that way. in fact, i'm not quite sure how i see it. i always thought i would get my degree. always knew it was a dream. but sometimes i wonder if i was enjoying the process more than anticipating the outcome. sure there were times when i would complain. get frustrated. even want to quit. but there were more times when i was grateful for having somewhere to go. other adults to interact with daily. and more than anything...learning new things that hadn't occupied my mind before.
so i sit and wonder. what will tomorrow bring? sure there are things to do; laundry, housework, making baby blankets, getting piles ready for the D.I., taking bowen to the park like i have promised would happen once mommy was done with school. there are many things to do. and yet, i feel somewhat lost. what will all this be like without the constant worry of homework in the back of my mind. will i miss it? perhaps.
so here is to a new chapter in my life. the chapter after "bachelor's degree" and the one before, "master's degree". how long will this chapter be? what will i accomplish? where will it take me? i feel as though the structure, that i so lovingly created for myself, is dissapating. i will now be left with 24 hours of do-whatever-i-want-whenever-i-want-everyday time. and i can't say that this is a definite positive. what if i suddenly feel it unnecessary to shower, get dressed, or even brush my hair? what if i use the time to watch pointless tv and waste my evenings? what if the lack of that nagging feeling of homework, causes me to stop learning? then what?
tomorrow i'll do my to-do list. hopefully it will take a long time. heck, i think i'll even add "clean toilets" to the list. perhaps i'll go for a walk (if the weather permits, of course) it's been a long time since i've had the energy or time for exercise. and maybe i'll make dinner so bowen can stop saying, "mom, why you keep bringing this home?" referring to our frequencing of Coasta Vida as of late. and maybe, just maybe, all you wonderful stay-at-home moms will offer loads of advice on how to occupy the whole day (better yet, the week).
10 comments:
oh goodness, Marci! I'm so excited for you, first of all! That is such an amazing accomplishment! And I will tell you, it was a huge adjustment for me! I still have adjustment periods everynow and then... but I'm sure that with number two coming along you'll find plenty of things to do and keep you busy!! Good luck!!
I still have one day left, but I know what you mean! After being in college since 04' with only one spring off it's hard to imagine that I will be able to choose what I do with my time.
Congrats on graduating! And I totally understand - I loved college and I was sad when I graduated.
However, I have a feeling that with #2 coming soon, combined with all of your home remodeling and staging ideas, homemaking skills, and friends - you won't find it too hard to fill your time!
This is such a big deal! As I face the same, I'm wondering if I won't feel the same way. Will I feel completely useless? You work so hard at school and it something that adds accomplishment in ways that you just don't get in other places.
But, happy it's almost done for you! I'm sure you'll find more than enough things to fill your time.
you're already done! It feels like you just started...time goes WAY too fast. Staying home is an adjustment for sure. At first I thought I'd be soo bored all the time, now I keep myself so busy I wish I had more hours in the day. :)
Congrats!! Well we can always start staged elements again! Ha ha! I always have projects and jobs you can help me with to keep your mind busy! What is the count down on the babe? I insist on bringing you dinner!
I think you will love staying home. I for one have never felt like it made me less active or less likely to learn new things. Or less likely to shower. :) You just have to make the choices.
Everyone should learn to incorporate learning into their everyday lives, rather than only being able to learn in a classroom setting. That is something I feel very strongly about.
Congrats on the degree and congrats on the upcoming arrival!
First off, congratulations! Yay you are done with school! It really is a good thing so take it that way.
Secondly, have a schedule now that school is done. Don't make it too stringent like a job or more school but pretty flexible so you can enjoy your freedom from school. For instance, I attempt to workout on Tues and Thurs, Wed is shopping, Friday is lunch with neighbor friends and their kids. It's a pretty flexible schedule and I don't have to stick to it if I don't want to (like not working out :) !! That's my two bits anyway. Good luck with your new found free time.
I felt like it was a redefining time. I had to redefine who I was. I was no longer a college student but 100% full time Mom. Also, fortunately for me I had my baby and missed my last final so there wasn't that time to even think about it. I just went straight into mother of 2 mode. Enjoy your time with Bowen when it is just the two of you because that will be changing forever.
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